There was a time when I held on to the hope that my family would be whole despite what was going on to the contrary. We weren’t a completely dis fragmented unit but were far from the family that I knew in my heart existed.
My children would say things about each other like, I just don’t like my sister or my brother, just because someone is in your family doesn’t mean that you have to like them, and my friends are more my family, and my heart would sag with sorrow. They’d say, I just choose not to be close to them, it’s nothing personal mom.
Hearing this grieved my spirit, however, I knew that they had been given the freedom of choice and I had to respectfully let them have that right to that choice.
So I fasted, prayed, tithed, gave offerings, attended church, seminars and Believer’s Convention. I read books, listened to tapes and cd’s and applied that learned knowledge.
I got us individual and family counseling, medical testing for depression, adhd etc. I played the role of peacemaker and did many other responsible good works to heal my family relationships; all the while knowing that the power of God (Universe) was working all things out for our good.
Years of continued strained family relationships made me battleweary and nearly ready to give up on the dream in my heart and I develop learned helplessness.
Learned Helplessness (LH) is a reaction to a perceived lack of control. It is a learned condition that results after repeated inability to make changes in your circumstances. It is further entrenched when you do exert control and are punished for it.
It breeds frustration, fear and insecurity and in order to protect yourself from any more negative experiences you become passive.
This does not mean that you completely give up and throw in the towel, some do, but in my case, my strength (personal power) was diluted and I become inconsistent.
LH is so powerful that even when you no longer need to avoid the unpleasant and harmful circumstance(s), this passivity almost always remains and continues to negatively affect your life.
Now I mentioned that I believed that God (Universe) would work all things out for our good, but my faith was inconsistent.
My learned helplessness masked itself as, inconsistent discipline, inability to focus on business endeavors and projects, disorganization and clutter and doubt.
My family ideal resembles the family in Cheaper By The Dozen. This family has order in the chaos and a solid foundation of mutual respect, love and unity.
Let’s face it; no one and no family is perfect. There are going to be situations that arise and events that occur that are potentially devastating and disappointing.
None-the-less, a family can thrive in, not just survive life’s events, turning them into valuable life lessons. That is what I wanted and now have.
Right now, my children actually want to talk to each other and spend time together. Recently a very disappointing event occurred in one of my children’s lives. Instead of me being the one to talk that individual off the ledge, two of my children took the reins and turned the situation into a life lesson, something that would develop character and grace.
A Life Lesson, A life lesson Wow! As a Life Coach I am completely honored that they sought to take a painful situation and find the gift in it.
All this was done without my input. I just handed over the phone when my daughter asked for it and over an hour later she brought it back to me laughing saying everything was O.K.
What’s more, the two siblings whose relationship had been marked by strife, ill-will and malice remained on the phone even after I hung up.
I just stood back and watched this whole thing transpire in complete gratitude and amazement. I am eternally grateful.
In life you are going to experience some devastating losses and disappointments. The desires of your heart and dreams may be delayed and it may seem as if nothing is ever going to change.
Don’t give up. Like the video, I fell down over a hundred times BUT I got back up. I never quit, I never gave up and God (Universe) came through!
How did this shift occur in my life? In Part II I will reveal what I did. You can change the persistent and troublesome circumstances in your life. It is your birthright to THRIVE.
7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4:7-9